Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby laserkid » Wed Jun 24, 2015 4:37 pm

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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby Clovis15 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:16 pm

Another “Don Thacker” Tale:

Perhaps you’ve wondered why there hasn’t been a proper US rerelease of “Transformers: The Movie” ever since the widescreen edition that Sony distributed back in 2006? It seems quite perplexing - I must admit - what with there having been numerous live action films since then, each of which could readily have been used as an excuse to rerelease the veritable animated film. Furthermore, the complete series box set by Shout! Factory even features a perpetually empty slot for the movie to be placed in; precisely where it would take place in continuity, no less. Hell, even "G.I. Joe - A Real American Hero: The Movie" has already - despite being largely panned by nearly everyone alive - been released on Blu-Ray of all things!

To understand these conundrums we must first learn of vital lost footage for "Transformers: The Movie" that - in the name of being the most complete edition ever - Shout! Factory has desperately wanted to include amongst their special features, footage which Hasbro - sadly - has long been fighting to keep hidden at all costs.

Although - when reminiscing about the animated film - most people immediately think back to Optimus Prime and Megatron’s epic showdown, I’m sure - if you try - you could probably also remember how the film ended. This would be when Hot Rod grabbed the Autobot Matrix of Leadership - asked it to “Light Our Darkest Hour” - and then pulled it open, after which the out-pouring light ripped Unicron to utter shreds. It’s a great ending and all, but apparently a sizable chunk of animation missing between the Matrix being opened - and Unicron ultimately biting the dust - is where the problem arises.

Apparently an earlier version existed where the Matrix of Leadership did not quite rip-apart Unicron as Hot Rod and Galvatron had hoped, instead only making the planet sized devourer harmlessly burp up a small pillar of light. Although everyone initially began to despair, it quickly turned out that not all was lost; for this light pillar- which was actually a beacon, rather than a weapon - was still about to light their darkest hour. Although Unicron had been next to Cybertron when the Matrix of Leadership was forced open, his brilliant belch - travelling at speeds perplexingly faster than light itself - reached Earth’s surface mere seconds later. Although most people dwelling on Earth missed this belch, one key figure did indeed witness it.

Immediately knowing what must be done, a younger Don Thacker jumped into his life-size Starr Wolf prototype - back when he was still planning for it to have transformational abilities, similar to Macross - and rocketed off towards Unicron. Upon arriving - which took nearly no time at all, thanks to his patented hyper drives - Dom discovered that the air space around Unicron was clogged with the demonic planet’s internal antibodies. They had apparently been expunged upwards in the midst of Unicron's unholy belch, and now viciously attacked anything that approached their gaseous master. Even though the mechanical antibodies began to attack Don Thacker all at once, he didn’t flinch even one; instead he immediately flipped a lever - specifically one with the letter ‘B’ written on it - and rushed off into battle.

At this point I should explain that Hasbro did not own the rights to ever show Jetfire in an animated form, which is why the cartoon only ever featured the differently named - and differently appearing - Skyfire instead. This was because their license upon the VF-1A Valkyrie design did not include the rights to reproduce the epic toy in animated form, since those rights at the time - as well as now still - resided with Harmony Gold. It was a legal nightmare for Hasbro when the Starr Wolf transformed - looking very much like a Battloid in the process - and began wrecking all of Unicron’s antibodies, as this could have actually put Hasbro in real legal trouble with numerous companies.

That - amazingly - turned out to be the least of Hasbro’s dilemmas, for what happened next threatened to ensure that - after the movie - the only thing kids would ever want would be toys of Don Thacker and his Starr Wolf (neither of which Hasbro owned the rights to). For, you see, the Starr Wolf mech - upon defeating all of Unicron’s purged antibodies - pulled out a giant canister that read Ho2Su3Gi (the same substance that was involved in a horrible explosion-filled tragedy). The Starr Wolf then proceeded to spike the entire keg right down Unicron’s throat, which resulted in the colossal explosion that the movie would otherwise have you believe the Matrix itself induced.

Thus the universe was saved by Don’s quick thinking; for even though only the Gods could handle his wonder tonic - and Don had even once had an awesome kegger with Zeus and Thor - Unicron was generally portrayed in most continuities as a Dark God. This meant that while mere mortals could not drink Ho2Su3Gi for fear of Death, the violent reaction that Unicron experienced - thanks the wonder-tonic’s holy properties - was 1000 times more potent. With kids already set to despise Hot Rod after he inadvertently got Optimus Prime killed, why would they ever want a figure of him after they saw Don Thacker eliminate Unicron in such an amazing fashion?

Therefore - between legal concerns with Harmony Gold, and fearing that kids everywhere would want a Don Thacker figure over the pathetic Hot Rod - Hasbro had no choice but to burry this footage, jump cutting straight from the Matrix being opened to just after Don Thacker spiked his Ho2Su3Gi keg right into Unicron’s mouth. No one is quite sure how this footage - thought to be lost forever - was ever recovered, but once rediscovered the staff at Shout! Factory knew that fans deserved nothing less than the whole truth. Thus it was that Shout! Factory has been fighting tooth and nail with Hasbro - holding up all rereleases in the process - in order to present Transformers fans with a full unadulterated cut of the classic film, the way the director had always truly intended it.
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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby Clovis15 » Sat Jun 27, 2015 3:22 pm

Mini Don Fact:

In order to ensure that Don is never silenced - as that would be a travesty, and an over all loss for mankind - volume knobs naturally turn themselves up whenever he begins talking.
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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby Adam » Sun Jun 28, 2015 12:20 am

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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby skinnytie » Sun Jun 28, 2015 12:50 am

Some one needs to find that footage @Clovis15's talking about and get it posted. ASAFP.
Don Thacker
Co-Founder/Director, Imagos Softworks & Imagos Films

"Unite to Fight for Robot Rights!"
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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby Clovis15 » Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:58 pm

Don Fact of the Day:

Don merely plays Dark Souls to humor his fans, for he already long ago beat the game. Not by playing it normally - mind you - but rather by fighting its metaphysical essence, which was really Dark Souls' fault as he got drunk one night and then made the mistake of calling Don out. The legendary fight raged on for over five hours, but eventually ended with Don Thacker being victorious. Ultimately this conclusion was foregone, for while Dark Souls FAQS are a dime-a-dozen - and written by various people - no one has ever produced a guide on how to successfully tackle the amazingness that is Don Thacker.
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Re: Don Thacker Appreciation Thread

Postby von_ozbourne » Sun Nov 01, 2015 6:32 pm

So this was started on the Dead Space stream when everyone was getting tired and loopy, and for some reason it's been popping in my head all week. Going to share because that's how you get it out. By putting the earwig into someone else's head. You are welcome.

I want my...
I want my...
I want my SMTV

Now look at them yo-yo's, that's not how you do it
You point the blaster at the NPC
That ain't Mazin' that's not how you do it
Don't get your Bucks for nothin', nor your ships for free
Now that's workin', that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya that Brick ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on his trigger finger
Maybe hit on Bunny and get some

You gotta keep that Starr Wolf a'flying
Custom killin' machi-ee-eee-ee-eee-ee-ine
You gotta be the, the Great War hero
You gotta make those aliens scream

See the grinning hero with the blaster and the smokes eh
Yeah buddy that's his own hair
That little hero's got his own jet Starr Wolf
That little hero he's a space commander

We gotta find out what the hell happened
Been missing, over a century-ee-eeee
We gotta name to, to reestablish
We gotta find out what it all means [hero that is]

I shoulda learned to art those pixels
I shoulda learned to tune them chips
Look at that pizza, they be munchin' on the camera
Man, that just go to my hips
And they're eatin', what's that? Hawaiian toppings?
They Bodie-in' the Lizza like they're Bodie Lee
Oh that's awesome, rock that end screen music
Mauerin' the chiptunes like it's '93

We gotta keep the elgato runnin'
Custom streamin' P-C-eee-ee-eee-ee-eee-ee-eeee
We got the Surge in the refrigerator
We play the games on colour TV, Lohawk

Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
You play the games on SMTV
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Steam codes for nothin' and your treats on stream
Pizzas for nothin'
and yachts for free

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